Empathy is a key ingredient in the recipe of understanding those around us.

Merriam-Webster defines it as –

“the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner”

Dictionary by Merriam-Webster: America's most-trusted online dictionary. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/

Empathy aids us in understanding those around us. More specifically it helps us understand a person’s perspectives, emotions, intentions, and experiences. This is extremely important in creating and maintaining relationships. Having the ability to empathize will dramatically increase the quality of your relationships whether it be with friends, coworkers, family, or a significant other.

“Empathy is often defined as understanding another person’s experience by imagining oneself in that other person’s situation: One understands the other person’s experience as if it were being experienced by the self, but without the self actually experiencing it.”

Hodges, & Meyers. (2021, February 03). Encyclopedia of Social Psychology. Retrieved from https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/encyclopedia-of-social-psychology/book227442

Empathy is a beautiful genetic element that creates an emotional connecter between people.

Empathy was previously thought of as a soft skill, but it is now understood to be a “neurobiologically based competency.” It was at one point, believed that empathy could not be taught, but as time continued that has changed. There have been studies done on increasing the empathy of health care workers and enhancing the patient to health care worker relationship.

H;, R. (n.d.). The Science of Empathy. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28725865/

The Importance of Empathy

Let’s talk about the importance of trying to understand those around us. Actively trying to place yourself in their shoes will help you understand them. It helps strengthen the emotional bridge or connector we were talking about previously.

Increasing the number of empathetic people in our world starts with teaching this skill to children. Teaching children empathy can be done in many ways. For instance, actively talking about understanding feelings. Both their feelings and your feelings. As parents, siblings, or babysitters we can model empathy by showing it during a strong emotion such as fear or anger. Children’s feelings should be deeply acknowledged for they are important, and it is critical they are aware of that as well. It can be modeled in conversation after certain situations. An example is, “How do you think your sister felt when you pushed her to the ground?” This allows the child to take a step back and understand it from the other person’s perspective.

When it comes to adults it is possible to teach empathy. Teaching empathy to adults such as health care workers, teachers, social workers, etc. has shown a positive impact and positive response. Teaching it to adults is a bit different than teaching a child, but it is not drastically different. Usually, adults are taught empathy through training or courses. These could be provided for by a company, required by a company, or simply done for personal reasons. These courses are filled with models of how to show empathy in situations and how to respond empathetically in them as well.

With this being said you do not need to pay or attend empathy training to become more empathetic. We can teach ourselves and work on increasing our ability to empathize simply by beginning to be mindful and aware of the emotions, expressions, verbal, and non-verbal cues from the people around us. Once we have been actively engaging in understanding these elements we can begin to go a bit farther. Allowing ourselves to feel their emotions and place ourselves in their shoes.

Now that we know what empathy is, how important it is and how to increase it, let’s talk about how to navigate the world as an empath. I am extremely empathetic and although that may be an amazing thing for those around me, it has also taken a toll on me at times. With that being said, this section will be focused on my empaths.

Dear Empaths,

Setting emotional boundaries is crucial. It is not your job by any means to take other people’s emotional baggage and throw it on your own shoulders. It gets tiring, it’s draining and I am sure you have all experienced this to an extent.

Saying “no” is crucial. You are not obligated to carry the weight of the issues of those around you. It is not fair to you. The more you carry from others the less you will be able to attend to your own needs. Empathy is a strength, but I have been in positions where it felt like such a weakness. I would be so upset that I feel things so deeply and that I understand others so well because there were times it ended up hurting me.

What I began to realize was that I could set boundaries that allowed me to care for others and myself. Do not feel bad for saying “no” to your friends when they ask you for a million different favors. It is a compliment they are asking you. They know you will help, and they know you actually care. On the contrary, they might know you will feel too bad to say no, and this is where the problem lies. I think sometimes we fear that our friends or family will be upset with us when we set boundaries or say “no” to something that we do not want to engage in. This does happen at times, but it is important to remember, it is not your fault. People take out things on us that have nothing to do with us and are out of our control. Again, it is not your job to carry the weight of others’ issues.

To my empaths, I am sure you feel overwhelmed with emotions more likely than not. I am sure you have been told you feel too deeply or are simply too emotional. Please understand you have high emotional intelligence, and this is your strength. It is important we spend our time with friends, spouses, family members, etc. that do not shame us for this strength or say unkind things regarding it. The people you choose to have in your life should be picking you up when you’re down, making you feel loved and appreciated, and not abusing your exceptional ability to empathize.